100-word Flash Fiction. #FridayFictioneers
(http://madisonwoods.wordpress.com/flash-fiction/first-contact/)


“Son, you’ve got to learn to be more responsible. You’re always losing stuff.”

“I didn’t lose them, Dad!”

“Well, you don’t have them, do you?”

“No.”

“When did you have them last?”

“When we left school. Dad…”

“Son, we can’t go back.”

“We don’t need to go back.”

“It’s late and your mother will worry. Besides, the train shuts down in about twenty minutes.”

“But, Dad!”

“Are you sure they’re not in your backpack?”

“No, Dad!”

“Son! Check your backpack. Hurry up!”

“Dad! Listen…”

“Check your pockets too!”

“Dad!”

“What?”

“I gave that man my mittens. His hands were freezing.”

***

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30 thoughts on “Stop, look, and listen

  1. Aw, poor boy. Why do Dads never listen?! This is a really cute story, fast paced and with a nice ending too.

    If I may give one concrit, I think you could probably lose the word “mittens” from the final line. They are already talking about the mittens, so it seems odd for the boy to suddenly use the word. and “His hands were freezing” would give away the punchline. But maybe that’s just me. I loved the way you captured the Dad’s impatience and the boy nervously trying to get a word in!

  2. I love the use of dialouge here. At a certain point, I wanted to slap dad and tell him to listen to his son! Poor kid!

    Great ending!

  3. A nice interpretation of the photo! I could feel the kid’s frustration with his dad for not listening to him or letting him finish his sentences, LOL, but it’s so typical (I have done it myself to my own, I’m sure).

    Thanks for joining us – hope to see you again next week!

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