100-word Flash Fiction. #FridayFictioneers (http://madisonwoods.wordpress.com/flash-fiction/the-western-sky-100-words/)


The sweltering heat kept Neander awake. The gods had flashed their silent white anger across the sky throughout the night.

Neander finally arose from his place by the fire. What he saw seared him to his core. Nervously, he roused Thal and pointed past the river over the hill — the clouds were burning!

They crept to the summit, weapons held high ready to strike.

The clouds weren’t burning. Fire! Fire raged through the valley below. Fear blazed in their bellies.

“We have angered the gods!”

“Warn the others! We must leave. Those bones on the riverbank were an omen.”

“What bones?”

***

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35 thoughts on “Omens

  1. Dear Caerlynn,

    The best part of your story is the line, “What bones?” because it foreshadows the eventual end of Neander and Thal. I thoroughly enjoyed the journey back into prehistory. Thank you.

    Aloha,

    Doug

  2. I too enjoyed the last line especially. You took us to a whole different place with this story, just by taking us so far back in time! Their fear of the Gods and of the fire was really true-to-life and perfectly pitched. If anything I think the first four sentences could do with a bit more work – they felt quite staid by comparison to the rest of the piece, but it really came together at the end. Fantastic.

  3. I love primitive or alternate society stories and this is one I’d read more of. Great job! I liked the bones and omen, and only got the Neander – Thal part after reading some of the comments but it was a ‘duh moment when I realized 😉

    1. Yes, I think I’m going to have to figure out myself what happened to dem bones. 😉 That was a tough pic this time, but I liked it!

  4. Great job! I would love to see this as a longer piece — the names are gorgeous. I had a busy weekend that prevented me from getting around to the stories as soon as I would have liked, but I’m very glad I finally made it.

    1. Several people made a similar comment. I think I’ll have to put some thought into a follow-up of some kind. Thanks for your comments!!

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