#FF: Photo vision

boatpilxr_-antiqued100-word Flash Fiction. #FridayFictioneers 

A story inspired by this photo provided by Rochelle Wisoff-Fields.

Talk to me. I’m always open to your feedback and constructive critiques.

UPDATE: (Jan 22) Based on critiques by Wildbilbo, Doug, and Rochelle, I’ve updated this story to clarify potential inconsistencies. I’m now five words over, but that’s okay. Thanks everybody!


Version 2.1

Isobel stared at the photo.

Why was it hidden under another photo in the album?

She flipped it over.

Stamped at the top was J. P. Seiler Photography. In scrawling handwriting across the bottom was Daniel Baignard. May he be cursed to walk in purgatory for eternity.

Her hands trembled. Everything around her melted away. She struggled to focus, but the ancient ink faded into oblivion, leaving only the stamp.

She knew it was Grandfather’s boat although she’d never actually seen it. Stories over years told of his drowning while fishing back in 1911. Some folks still insisted it was murder.

Who was Daniel Baignard?

Version 1.0

Isobel stared at the photo.

She recognized her grandfather’s boat.

Why was the photo hidden under another photo in the album?

She flipped it over.

Stamped at the top was J. P. Seiler Photography. In scrawling handwriting across the bottom was Daniel Baignard. May he be cursed to walk in purgatory for eternity.

Her hands trembled. Everything around her melted away. She struggled to focus, but the ancient ink faded into oblivion, leaving only the stamp.

She’d never seen Grandfather’s boat, but she knew he drowned while fishing in 1911, long before she was born.

Who was Daniel Baignard?

***

 


FavoriteFridayFeedback2Favorite Friday Feedback (F3) from last week’s #FF story, Seeing red, goes to Rochelle (http://rochellewisofffields.wordpress.com/). I appreciated her recognition of my story’s title. Indeed, John was angry, his anger matching the only red he saw – the flowers in the courtyard. He wanted more. My wish for you all this year is for lots of color in your life, whatever your artistic aspirations.

Life without colour is unimaginable; fortunately most of us don’t have to try. —Sheila Timmins

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42 thoughts on “#FF: Photo vision”

  1. I enjoyed this, as an introduction to a deeper mystery it was very effective and nicely written.

    I was a bit jarred out of the tale by two sentences that seemed inconsistent:

    1) She recognized her grandfather’s boat.
    & then
    2) She’d never seen Grandfather’s boat…

    Still, I thought the ‘unanswered questions’ were a great intro into something bigger.
    Cheers
    KT

    1. Interesting. You’re right. I may have lost something in the editing. It made sense in my head at the time. I’ll review and see if I can clarify a little. Thanks for the feedback; I appreciate it!

  2. Dear Caerlynn,

    I love the tinge of otherworldliness that you have infused into your story.

    On a ‘talk to me’ note, the sentence ‘She knew he drowned, some said murdered, while fishing in 1911 — long before she was born.’ needs work, of your choice, but something… perhaps ‘…he had drowned, some had said he’d been murdered….’ I know that makes it a tad overlong, but the original is still off somehow. I wish I had the skill to tell you why. Forgive me for my ham-handed attempt to worry that sentence into shape.

    A good story on balance. Well done.

    Aloha,

    Doug

  3. Dear Caerlynn,

    I see a mystery unfolding with many unanswered questions. I’m not sure you need “long before she was born.” The tone already leads me to believe the story takes place in the present. Of course this is your call. Intriguing piece.

    Shalom,

    Rochelle

  4. Very compelling, and the start of what feels like a longer story… I think you could leave the final line out. Based on the note, on the back of the photo, the reader is already wondering who is Daniel Baignard. I think the impact is better, when that last line is left to our imaginations… and, you save 4 words. 😉 Excellent story telling!

  5. Ha! – If Daniel Baignard is indeed his real name. I bet it’s more like John Smith or Tom Jones. Either way, he’s nothing but an evil two-faced murderer. But what I really want to know is WHY?

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